Authors: Mishka Suwandi ('24), Luana Yo ('25)
Photo courtesy of Ms. Melissa Hall
Once someone reaches a certain age, they are constantly getting asked questions such as “When are you getting married”, “Are you fulfilled?”, and “Are you happy?” There are always opinions pressed on this idea of having to be married. The BAIS Times interviewed a couple of teachers on their insights into living an independent life and their perspective on relationships in a romantic and community aspect.
Being in a relationship is a big commitment because you must know the actual desire and purpose to be in a relationship with someone. “I was more in love with love than I was with him; I was only like, 20 to 23 and I just liked the idea. Then suddenly, I realized you should not marry someone just because you like love,” Ms. Elizabeth LaMertha, the secondary English teacher, shared. When you want to be in love with someone, you must know them well. Most importantly, to be in love with someone is to genuinely like the person for who they are and not just liking the concept of being in love.
The interviewed teachers also touched on how they believe that other relationships are equally as important as romantic ones. They believe that they need to sustain all types of relationships to nurture and flourish in life. Families, friends, a person’s community, and a relationship with God are all significant “because that’s who holds you up during hard times,” Ms. Bethany Christensen, the art teacher, noted. When asked about this, Ms. LaMertha answered, “I do not think a romantic relationship is the only type of relationship nor do I think it’s the most important type of relationship to have.” There are some benefits to living an independent life in a foreign country, such as having more freedom in choices without considering someone else’s opinion. When asked what would be different if there was a significant other in her life, Ms. Jamie Fulwood, the elementary through secondary P.E. teacher said, “ I'm a free-spirited person. I go wherever I want, do whatever I want, within reason. What about when you're married? Those things, like freedom, would change, you're going to have to share things, share space, and check in with one another. So there's a part of that free-spiritedness that I will have to adjust to. So right now I will enjoy freedom as much as I can.”
Photo courtesy of Ms. Melissa Hall
Being an independent woman has its ups and downs in other situations in life. There are days when they wish they had a significant other to lean on, but there are also days when they are content with where they are in their life. These teachers have experienced struggles and challenges, but in the end, they believed this is all for the better. Moving away from family can be one of the hardest things to do, but moving away to a foreign country can at times be a lot more complicated. These teachers have a lot of courage and faith in them to make the decision to move overseas.
“To be honest, I really was asking for a one-year contract to only be here for one year, and then I would go back to the states and do my own life. And I have fallen in love with this place,” Ms. Melissa Hall said. No one knows what God has in plan for us. For example, Ms. Hall is currently in her 12th year of living and being a part of the BAIS community.
All the teachers interviewed noted that Indonesia is where God wants them to be at this moment. God has provided a place for each of these teachers in the BAIS community. Ms. Fulwood said, “Well, for one thing, I've had prophetic words and prayers over me about going to Indonesia, Southeast Asia, and I kind of laughed and went, no offense,” she continued, “And I just went on it by faith. I said, Well, let me try it out. If it works, it works. And look, I'm here. And you know, every time I feel like, this is hard, I think I need to go back to God's like I'm not done. So I know for sure I'm supposed to be here.”
Ms. Fulwood concluded, “I feel like there's a lot of things that God is connecting in a very unique way. And I think when you focus on that you start to see okay, God, you're up to something I don't know what but I'm gonna trust you.”
“There are times that I wish I had a family. But being married, and following God's will, as a wife and mother are also hard,” Ms. LaMertha reflected. We can all agree that taking care of the household can hold back some opportunities. Ms. Christensen added to this idea saying, “I think that because I'm independent, I can prioritize sleep. I don't think you can do that as a mom or a wife.” Sleep is one of the most important habits to achieve a healthy lifestyle; being independent allows people to do so much more easily than mothers and wives. Being independent means they can have some freedom, and they’re not always tied to a significant other when it comes to decision-making.
Photo courtesy of Ms. Melissa Hall
On top of all the struggles and relationships the teachers experienced, they have learned some valuable lessons and given some advice. Ms. LaMertha said, “Don't fall for the Disney, Hollywood fairy tale idea.” You are who you are today because of the hardships, struggles, the ups and downs in the past; but all that builds up to a better self.
We should also be constantly reminded to “never put your worth, or your value or your significance in any of your relationships except your relationship with God because they cannot fulfill you - your parents can't fulfill you, a boyfriend can't fulfill you, a best friend can't fulfill you,” Ms. LaMertha advised. Always “live to the fullest for God” (Ms. Fulwood) and acknowledge the fact that “God is always bigger” (Ms. Hall).